divorce and remarriage

Position
Imago Dei Community seeks God’s help to build strong marriages and families. Marriage is God’s gift for believers and unbelievers (Genesis 2:24); but, in a broken world, marriages will fail and we must be ready to respond with grace and truth.  

Marriage is a God-ordained, public covenant between a man and a woman that results in a “one flesh” relationship (Genesis 2:24; Proverbs 2:16-17; Ezekiel 16:8; Malachi 2:14).  God’s design is that every marriage be faithfully permanent.   God loves covenant keeping, and His strength is sufficient to enable husband and wife to be faithful.  His redeeming grace gives us hope that even the most broken marriage can be restored.

Our position allows divorce and remarriage for either of two valid causes: sexual immorality (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:9) or desertion by an unbelieving spouse (I Corinthians 7:15). This has been called the Erasmian view, the traditional Protestant view, and is the most common view among evangelicals.  Divorce and remarriage is a debatable issue and we respect believers who differ with us.

Note: In this position statement “sexual immorality” and “sexual unfaithfulness” are translations of the Greek word, porneia (Matt 5:32; 19:9).  In a marriage context it refers to the sins of adultery, homosexual behavior, incest and bestiality.

The Mosaic Law brought the death penalty for certain sexual sins including: adultery, incest, homosexual behavior and bestiality. Capital punishment showed the seriousness of sexual sin and allowed the innocent surviving spouse to remarry. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), but He allowed it because of the hardness of people’s hearts (Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Matthew 19:8).

Jesus said, “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9; see also 5:32).   The exception clause (“except for sexual immorality”) refers to adultery and probably covers all the cases of sexual sin that deserved capital punishment in the Old Testament.   Matthew records Christ’s most detailed teaching on divorce and remarriage (Matthew 5:27-32; 19:3-12).  Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 do not include the exception clause, because they are a summary of Christ’s teaching.

The New Testament allows, but does not require divorce for sexual unfaithfulness.  God’s grace encourages us to forgive and have hope that God’s transforming power can redeem even the most broken marriage.  However, when there has been sexual unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage are allowed, and do not constitute adultery.  The marriage bond includes a covenant and then uniting sexually in “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).   Biblically, a marriage is viewed as ending when one spouse dies (Romans 7:2).  It can also end when two things occur: (1) the one flesh has been violated (sexual unfaithfulness) and (2) the legal covenant has been revoked (divorce); if only one of these two things has occurred, the marriage continues to exist.

If someone divorces without a valid cause, they are still married in God’s sight.  If one of them remarries, their new sexual union is adultery against their former spouse, and the first marriage is ended.  Their union forms a new marriage.  The new couple should repent of adultery, receive God’s forgiveness, and seek to make their marriage faithfully permanent.  The former spouse is now single and free to remarry (Matthew 19:3-12).

One further exception is the so-called “Pauline privilege” in I Corinthians 7:15  (the believer “is not under bondage in such cases”) .  The “bound” condition is best understood as the marriage bond (I Corinthians 7:39).  In a marriage of believer and unbeliever, the believer should seek to preserve the marriage (1 Corinthians 7:13-14; 1 Peter 3:1-2).  However, if the unbelieving spouse deserts, the believer, after patient prayer, may divorce and remarry.

There are many destructive behaviors that can threaten the safety of family members and jeopardize the health of a marriage.  Even when sexual addiction does not include physical adultery, it is still a form of evil destructive lust (Matthew 5:27-28) and worthy of church discipline.  Abuse of spouse or children cannot be tolerated.  It is not, in itself, automatically grounds for divorce, but such abuse is so serious that it can result in church discipline and excommunication for the unrepentant abuser   Refusal to provide for one’s family (1 Timothy 5:8) is a form of denying the faith and desertion.   In these and other destructive situations we will:  (1) seek to remove family members from physical danger, (2) follow required legal reporting, (3) confront the abuser, (4) provide a care team to nurture the couple, and (5) bring church discipline and excommunication when appropriate.  When excommunication occurs, the case will be treated as desertion by an unbeliever (Matthew 18:17).

Unmarried sexual cohabitation is an expression of sexual sin that seeks intimacy without commitment.  The couple should either separate or make a marriage covenant in harmony with Scripture and state law (Hebrews 13:4; Romans 13:1).

Qualifications for church leadership involve one’s current life style.  No one is disqualified because they did not meet the requirements in the past.  The “husband of one wife” qualification for elders and deacons (I Timothy 3:2; 3:12) requires a person to have a reputation of living faithfully with their current spouse.  The qualification is an idiom meaning a “one wife kind of man” not someone who has never been divorced or never remarried.  For a single person this would require a reputation of sexual purity.  Taking the phrase literally results in the unlikely view that it excludes single men like Paul, and those who have remarried for any cause.  (Kostenberger, God Marriage and Family, chp. 12; Strauch, Biblical Eldership, 189-193).

Church Policy
In harmony with our theological understanding, Imago Dei leadership will follow these guidelines:

We will discourage and be unwilling to perform the wedding of a believer to an unbeliever (I Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14).

We will encourage believers to give all effort to preserve their marriages with love, grace and forgiveness.  Sometimes temporary separation is appropriate especially for protection of family members, but always with the goal of restoration.

Our position allows divorce and remarriage only for the valid causes of sexual unfaithfulness or desertion by an unbelieving spouse.  When divorce occurs without valid cause, neither husband nor wife should remarry but should seek reconciliation.

We are willing to perform the wedding of a divorced person when there is clear evidence of either valid cause for divorce.  The person performing such a wedding must have a clear conscience that the evidence is sufficient.

We will select elders, deacons, ministry leaders and the main leader of a home community who have a reputation of faithfulness to their current spouse.   When there has been divorce and remarriage, this fact alone will not disqualify someone.  In such a case, extra caution will be taken to assure that the candidate has a history of being faithful to their current spouse.

A believer should seek reconciliation if they divorced as an unbeliever without valid cause and neither committed adultery or remarried.   If their reconciliation effort is refused, their situation will be treated as the desertion of an unbeliever.

We welcome to membership all who have repented of past failures and wish to follow Christ through commitment to community.

Elders will seek God’s wisdom and grace when dealing with cases which are not covered in this policy.

Unity
We welcome to Imago Dei those who differ with this position, but we ask that you do not allow your viewpoint to create division and that you speak in love about those who differ with you.  Our differences will give us the opportunity to show unity and love within our diverse opinions.

For Further Study: The most helpful are listed first.

Andreas J. Kostenberger, God, Marriage, and Family, especially chap. 11-12.

John Stott, Involvement Vol. 2: Social And Sexual Relationships in the Modern World, ch. 6 D.A.

Carson, Matthew, Expositor’s Bible Commentary, vol. 8 (see Matthew 19).   

John Murray, Divorce, especially chap. 2.   

Craig L Blomberg, “Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage, and Celibacy.” Trinity Journal 11 (1990): 161-196   

H. Wayne House, editor, Divorce and Remarriage: Four Christian Views.