Imago Dei Blog

I began this conversation in the previous blog with the recognition that there are some inherent tensions with trying to set healthy behavioral expectations for our kids while at the same time teaching them that God’s acceptance of them is not based on their own goodness. We can all recognize that, while some of us may have more lenient expectations than others, everybody has some behavioral expectations for their kids. So, here I would like to begin to explore a few ways in which the gospel allows the whole issue of behavior to be something that draws us near to God as opposed to driving us away from Him. None of these topics is designed to stand on its own, but together they can begin to form a more cohesive picture of the issue.
The first issue I would like to take a look at is the nature of God, and our being created in his image, as a basis for behavioral understanding. To me this is the “Why?” of the issue. One of the most fundamental questions that presents itself when looking at this issue is, “Why does behavior matter?” Why do we even care about this? I say that it is a fundamental question in the sense that it is critical to the whole conversation. It is the foundation of the whole issue, but it doesn’t seem to be fundamental for us in our conversations with our kids about behavior. There we tend to bypass this completely and move directly to the “what”. So here we will spend a little time looking at the “Why”.
There are a couple of understandings as to the “why” of behavior that I think will be helpful to think through. The first is the understanding I think that most of us adopt unconsciously, without ever realizing that we adopted it, yet deeply convinced of its truth. This is the understanding that since God is God, he simply gets to make up a moral list of things we should and shouldn’t do. He is the guy up in the sky laying down all these arbitrary rules and is really bummed with us when we break them (which seems to happen quite often!). Why he would choose these specific rules isn’t important. What is important is that he did, and He is God so he gets to, and quite often we resent it. We may not be so bold as to vocalize that, but it is true.  While there may be truth to some aspects of this understanding, when it comes to the core of the issue it is deeply flawed.
A second way to understand the issue that I believe is far more helpful to the conversation is to understand behavioral expectations as directly related to the character of God. God isn’t just up there somewhere making arbitrary rules that seem really hard for us to keep. God is good. It is his very nature, and he is more “good” than we can comprehend or imagine. And that is a very good thing for us that he is good. Try to imagine, just for a moment, what it might be like if the all-powerful, all-knowing God was at his very core bad. It is truly frightening. But he is not. The whole story of scripture is that God is good and that every good and perfect thing comes from him. This is probably the hardest thing of all in this article to accurately communicate. The word “good” seems to fall woefully short. He is great, awesome, mighty, majestic, glorious, holy. And yet underneath all these descriptions of his greatness is the continual testimony that he is good, a very simple word that changes everything. More than anything in life, I am thankful that God is good. And at the very beginning, when man is created, we are told that he is created in God’s own image, in his likeness. This is the birthplace for behavioral expectations. We have a created, built-in, moral compass that is directly related to the fact that we are created in the image of a good God.  He is not just giving us a list of arbitrary rules but is calling us back to bear his image. This is where we begin.
One last angle to look at here that I think will be particularly helpful is to understand the primary way that God’s goodness manifests itself. God’s goodness is manifested relationally in love. Scripture tells us that God is love, not that He has love, but that he is love. This should be shaping the vast majority of our conversations about expectations with our kids. The scriptures are filled, not just with random rules, but with extraordinary calls to love, in any and every way. God is love.  He defines love. We are the recipients of his love and are invited to receive his love. We are also called to bear his image by being people of love. Parents, you can begin to help your kids understand that they are created in the image of a good God who manifests his goodness primarily in love. The implications of this are limitless! I am by no means saying that this will solve all of our issues here but it can certainly help begin to set a solid gospel foundation for our homes. Think through some ways this might play out in your family. How is this helpful? What do you think the obstacles might be? Once again, this is only a piece of the picture. Next time we will look at the obvious fact that none of us bear this image perfectly (or even close) and ask the questions, “How do we deal with our failure?” and “How does God deal with our failure?” I look forward to hearing from you!